I had a brain injury in my 20s, which left me unable to walk and barely able to talk.
I struggled to find work and had a tough time finding housing.
But then, one day, a coworker noticed my new job as a software developer at a software company.
I got to know him and started talking to him.
We became friends.
We got to be best friends.
I felt like I had found a friend in him.
But as the years passed, my life got worse and worse.
I couldn’t afford the rent.
I needed to get out of the house.
And the problem with that was I had just been diagnosed with a brain tumour.
I would be at the doctor’s office three times a week for two hours to get a scan.
My insurance would cover it, but it was more expensive than any other surgery.
It was a major pain.
I had to go home, take my medication and go home.
After a couple of weeks, I started having panic attacks, and was getting paranoid about being near other people.
I was afraid that someone would know I was depressed.
So I had suicidal thoughts.
I went to the hospital.
My doctor said that my brain was healthy, but I had been diagnosed as having a rare and aggressive form of the disease.
He recommended surgery to remove a tumor and remove the brain.
I thought, I know this is a terrible thing to do, but this is my best option.
I signed up for the surgery.
I spent a month in hospital.
I started to feel better, and then it was time to go back to work.
I knew I needed help.
I called my insurance company.
But it was not a good time.
They did not know how much it would cost, and I was worried that they would cancel my coverage.
So, I called another company.
They told me that they had done a trial run.
And they had been able to enroll me in a plan, but they did not have a plan to pay for it.
The trial was the best option for me, because I could have paid for it by myself.
I could get it for free, and if it turned out to be a good option, I could then pay it off.
But I was scared, because they did a trial, and it turned into a nightmare.
But my doctor assured me that this is what I needed.
I agreed to take a trial plan, which cost $300.
I am glad that I took the trial plan.
I have to admit, it did not go well.
My depression got worse.
At first, I thought it was just the test I had taken, but then I started feeling depressed more and more.
It got to the point where I started going to the doctor more often.
The more I went, the more I started experiencing panic attacks.
And then I had panic attacks for two weeks straight.
I kept getting them.
And that’s when I realised that I was losing my mind.
I lost track of how many days I had spent in hospital, and that I had stopped working because of the stress of being in hospital all the time.
I stopped going to school and was not allowed to go out at night, which meant that I could not take my son to the park.
I missed the holidays.
I miss my friends.
But the worst part is that I cannot take care of myself.
That’s why I want to get help.
Now, I am doing the best I can to get the help that I need, because it will help me get through this whole ordeal.
But what I really want is to get my life back.
If I could only go back in time and make it better for myself, that would be so much better.
If my life was the same, I would have never left home.
I don’t want to have to be here anymore.
I need help.
It’s not about money.
I want a job.
I know that it’s not going to happen, but if I could go back and make my life better, that’s what I would do.
I feel like I’m a robot now.
I do not understand why people would want to be me, especially because I am not depressed.
I’m not suicidal.
But people think that because I’m depressed, I’m lazy and that’s why they do not want to help me.
It just makes me feel even worse.
And so, I feel even more desperate and confused.
I can’t take care a loved one.
My job is not worth the time and money I have.
But, if I get help, I will be able to make the best of my life.
Thank you so much.
If you are depressed, please seek professional help, especially from a mental health professional.
I will do whatever it takes to help my friend.